Just Keep Swimming
I was so tempted to update this post because it was written 2 years ago, only 1 year after our life exploded. But reading it, I can still remember the raw and realness of the situation, so I am deciding to re-post this without changing anything so you can see where my heart was at in this moment. The book was non-existent at this point, we were FRESH in the rebuilding stage of our journey. Like everything else on my blog-its transparent and straight from the heart. What I do want to say is that we are now almost THREE years from the worst part of our journey, so 2 years from this post and reading this has inspired me to write a new post on what the 2 years following this point have been filled with because it is it’s own story!!!!
One year ago around this time, my world was falling apart. We had just moved across the country with our 2 little girls from Alberta to Ontario. Little did we know that God had planned a year of breaking us down to our rawest form of selves to start re-building his masterpieces.
A little history if you haven’t followed this blog over the year. My husband struggles with mental illness, at the time we moved we knew it was bad but were ‘coping’ (I say that mildly, we were drowning) What we did not know then was the mountains were his escape, his coping mechanism and we had just moved into the middle of a city, so the complete opposite. This big change along with taking away his coping mechanisms were a recipe for a disaster….and that is exactly what we got.
So last year, pretty much to the day, our storm exploded. Things got very dark, there are some posts at the beginning of this blog in ‘marriage section’ or I wrote a whole book about supporting someone who struggles and our story is in the introduction of the book that can give you more details if your interested. Here is the interesting thing, I can say with certainty that this had to happen, I know now that God had a plan and that the darkness of the situation was and had to be part of that plan.
Last year at this time, I didn’t know if we were going to be a family over christmas, I didn’t know if we would even be all together. Thankfully God’s plan allowed for that to happen, but it was a christmas I will never forget.
Last year at this time, me and my daughter were painting a closet in our basement to turn into a prayer room. I lived in this room for over a month, crying out for my own strength to get through, and begging God to intervene and help us.
I am not writing this to re-hash the past, I am writing this to encourage anyone in a storm to remember God is GOOD, God has a PLAN, God will walk you THROUGH AND OUT of this storm in HIS timing.
I want to shed some light on what the last year has looked like AFTER the storm exploded.
We got the help we needed, we got the professional intervention we needed. Things started to become ‘controllable’ We had suffered in this state of ‘coasting’ until the next storm for years, for my husband it was over a decade. For the first time in what seemed like forever, there was a clarity and an understanding of what we were dealing with. That changes things drastically in a situation like this.
Not only did God guide us into the professional and medical help that was needed, he was taking care of us mentally, emotionally, physically and geographically too.
We got an opportunity to move to a town that was much more suited for our lifestyle and happiness aka out of the city. This opportunity not only gave us work but also wonderful community and church. God picked this specific community because there were other area’s that needed to be dealt with in my husbands heart. It has been a whirlwind of a year, and even though there were some dark dark moments, I wouldn’t change it to be where I am now.
I can truly say I have a new husband. I can truly say that God performed countless miracles in the past year for our family. I can truly say that God uses EVERYTHING for his good, every single tear and every single broken heart. I can truly say that God held me in every scary and dark moment, and that he honoured every moment I ran to him. I can truly say that we have overcome a very ugly time and that our hearts are more hungry for God than ever. I can truly say that I trust his will for my life and that I will happily walk in his obedience because I know that is where I belong.
To anyone who is going through a storm of your own; Don’t give up hope. Don’t allow the enemy to keep you in the darkness where he feels he has power and control, don’t accept that the storm is the end-the storm is NOT the end.
- Listen to this song that got me through,
- Reach out- don’t be the hero who does it alone, we were not designed to do life alone.
- Pray like prayer is as important as food and water (which it is)
- Listen to this other song that got me through
I want to convey something in this post:
- Sometimes we have to go through hard stuff to get all the brokeness chiseled away
- God is good. Always.
- Don’t go through storms alone, it is strong to lean on our brothers and sisters.
- God ALWAYS has a beautiful plan.
God healed so many hearts by our situation, he brought so many people back into relationship with him, he affected so many people by our family’s situation.
Our family is doing great, OF COURSE we have bad days, of course my kids are crazy some (most) days, of course we have normal marital issue’s….I am NOT saying things are perfect. But things are controllable, things are better than they ever have been. God has saved my husband from something that could have destroyed him, he saved our family from continuing to drown in the enemies plan. He saved us, protected us, guided us, he pulled us out of darkness and into his light and that is who he is. Don’t ever forget what his character is when you are in the middle of a storm, it is hard to see and feel but his truth never changes; if there is anything you can get from reading this I hope that is what you take.